sitting around a dinner table in stellenbosch, it's the first time i've really spent time with local white people
every conversation becomes an opportunity to defend their history
to become defensive about everything about themselves and no one has prompted anything to be defensive about
you all said
we needed apartheid to have the economy we have now
it is important that it happened so that south africa has a healthy economy
but the economy is falling now i said, twelve of your dollars to one usa
you said that was because of affirmative action
as if the economy could be remotely as important as hurting and killing people and shoving them in rodent and disease infested shack camps
where they still fucking living because they are too poor to afford the gentrified apartments in town even though they are extremely cheap
what the fuck in my brain for a week on end without a break
i couldn't sleep in that bed, i had a million bad dreams and you gave me about ten copies of time magazine to read
which i thought was really nice
you held up a grapefruit and an avocado that was clearly the size of a chihuahua and later you said
there is no such thing as an indigenous people of south africa
black people are inherently lazy and
they all have aids and are dirty and go to witch doctors
and rob good people like us, right
you waited for me to say something in response
i sat there silently with a plate of bland food in front of me
fuck.
and i thought at least upon three occasions that you were the most confusing person ever
how can one person allow both of the following things to come out of their mouth:
all plants are endangered because there aren't enough of them!
and
there is only one way to get rid of people who are evil, and that is to shoot them in the fucking head
you said, you don't talk to evil people, you kill them
you said both those things in the course of an hour
you made your hand look like a gun with your long, strong boney fingers
your mechanical fingers
and pushed your eyebrows together when you said that thing about killing evil people
i imagined you holding a bazooka and blasting away people while wearing a uniform
and smoking a cigarette while you did it
i know that will probably never happen but you talked about doing it and of course that scared me
why the hell wouldn't it
i said what makes a person evil
you said, well, like, satanists and the people that go to witch doctors are evil
you also said before that, that you believe 75% of black people in this country go to witch doctors
which obviously can't be true because that would be like ninety percent of the population of south africa
so i calculated in my mind that you believe that many people are evil
and by what you said before that, should be killed and not reasoned with
i thought about that and didn't say anything that would have caused some shit to go down because i am a fucking coward
and i was definitely afraid of you
i just said, i disagree
you looked at me and said you don't know what it's like, you are lucky, in your country there are more white people than black people
you looked at me and then you said, at least the black people in your country behave themselves
you lock the locks in your house
you live in a suburb with a lot of police men and open space and clean parks
i just spent a month in langa, i didn't even lock my things there, what the hell is wrong with you i wanted to say
but i know there is nothing inherently wrong with anyone
you just grew up in this alternative universe where black people are the anti-christ
i wish i could make you come with me next month when i'm going to be in khayelitsha and gugalethu and langa
i rode the extra bike in the garage to the mountain pass where all the trees that europeans brought to this country are
all the conifers and the pines and the deciduous ones, lined up like a fence
the first time i've been alone outside in two months
i went there later with you but the first time, i went alone
the trees line up like a fence and i looked up at them and i haven't really seen large trees in months
and i loved them because they were trees and hated them because of what they meant
the fact that they aren't baobab and cactuses is fucked up? is it really? i don't even know
i don't believe in evil but then again i don't really believe in anything except individual people
read time magazine until my brain broke, pretty much
you watched jurassic park and asked me why my brother wasn't in the army and wasn't in iraq
i said wanted to say because he doesn't like killing spiders because he loves animals and people are animals
i said, he has a different job

BlackfootDirect's Jimmy Nelson handles a low, winding corner that will return him back to the upper portion of the track.

Bio - Jimmy Nelson
(C) 2007 by Monty Nicol. All Rights Reserved.

Last year, in his first pro season, Jimmy Nelson made it clear he was here to win. His relentless attack riding style collected just as many podium finishes as big air spreds in the MX magazines. Nelson won each of the four nationals he raced, took seven out of eight motos, finished first overall, and took the championship. That's why, this season, Nelson's proud that his Blackfootdirect Team Toyota Yamaha's YZ250F wears the #1 plate.

"Oh yeah," Nelson says. "That plate represents a lot of hard work."

Off the track, the 21 year-old Battle Mountain, NV, native projects the quiet, calm confidence of a rider who knows what he can do. But Nelson says that confidence also comes from knowing that, with the Blackfootdirect team behind him, there's absolutely nothing between him and another stellar racing season.

"We definitely have the best bikes, the best mechanics, the best team in Canada by far," Nelson says. "Everything. It's all there. There's just no excuse not to win."

Nelson says that, with the team behind him, he's not only approaching this season with a goal in mind, but has specific goals in mind for next season, too.

"I want to win the championship this year," Nelson says simply. "And next year, hopefully, I'll ride the 450F. I want to stay with Blackfoot."

Is Nelson nervous about the upcoming season? Not really, he says. He's been training, eating right, and working to get better

"The races are the fun times," he says. "The only time you're nervous is when you're not ready."